Today, I have a friend.

 For people who see me around town, being that it’s the civic center metropolitan district, I’d suppose that I’m a sore sight, on various counts, for some people. On one hand, for example, I feel like I’m fairly pro-sociable, and that I’m good for “friend status,” and, although it plays out, in truth, in some sort of informal and disjunct fashion, I feel like, even though I’m present, in a cognizant sense - meaning, I could reliably answer questions accurately, in nearly all situations (which, I’d say, is one of the hallmarks of my reputation, nowadays, amongst people who know me), I have some chronic pain and inflammation issues that never seem to go away, being that I’m legitimately fully homeless, and, since town is fairly upscale, in many of the small locales which characterize the areas I frequent - this is Los Angeles, on one hand, and we’d been brought up, in this generation, to have fancy ideals and aspirations to live up to. 

Nowadays, I wonder how the rest of America views this fumbling facade - it’s become a stark contrast - this notion of poverty and the battle for inclusion, in to the American Dream, whereas so many people are mired in judgmental paradigms and sociability-defeatist attitudes of better aspirations (perhaps), whereas I constantly see groups of peers and colleagues, amongst us (youths), of this generation, berating each other, at the slightest notions of escapism, in to some sort of virtuous or fanciful deed, or gesture - essentially crippling the work day, work week, workplace morale, and, in doing so, it undermines so many foundational and essential functions of coworkers, affected demographics, and governmental institutions. My personal, fanciful belief, that I flout, sometimes, is one where I assert that people’s common belief of that we are constantly struggling against budgetary concerns (crises, that it were), is actually shortsighted, and, a more insightful perspective on things is that people would endear to fund us - from whatever means available (yet, only “somewhat,” on that last notion); yet, at the most distributed workforce entity-meets-consumer, as far as social services, public and mental health services, and other relevant institutions, I feel that a limited pool of selectivity in hiring, and extraneous influences upon workplace attitudes has become pervasive and characteristic of unaccountable organizations, where casual unprofessionalism is considered due process, and trite judgmental attitudes and quips, which characterized the abuses that we’d known, and, largely, as young society, back in our early school days, committed against each other. In recent memory, it seems that, over the course of new, and forthcoming presidential administrations, we “repeat” some of the hard-won, progressive policies, which had taken decades, at these points in time, various that they are - yet, it seems that they have to be repeated, for the sake of folks who’d been distracted, or who seclude themselves, as hermits, of some fearful respite over growing up, and facing adulthood, and it’s constituent features, vulnerabilities, responsibilities, accountability, and so forth. 

On one hand, this is an age where science and technology dominates life. I feel that, to deny the preeminence of this facet of society and global commerce, would someday work itself out, for individuals, to inevitably be torn asunder from this sort of privilege that we enjoy, whatever that might be. 

As for myself, I experience several, perhaps, disadvantages, as far as being homeless. I make accommodations for myself, in various forms, yet, all in all, I’m perhaps not all that much different from my “housed” (surreptitious, being that it’s within my memory, and I’d duly “housed” myself, rightly so, as an independent business owner, in previous years) self - on one hand, sure - maybe I was “playing house,” in some cases, yet, in some other cases, I fully supported myself, all on my own. Over time, I learned valuable lessons, over losses, and I take those things in stride, and I expect little, these days, that I’m not already offered, or taught, “had been” taught, already, or, on one hand, I’d been distracted from thinking, perhaps, due to this ongoing exhaustion, which I’d mentioned, earlier. 

Anyways, getting back to my vision, of the rest of America - essentially, “hoping” for a beautiful generation of us, coming from out of this California Dream, so to speak, and, rightfully, as well, I’m sure that they expect it. We read half-hearted news, out here, nowadays. We get untimely late updates about rainy weather, lately, that I experience, for example, and, for me, that’s one thing that really affects me, at least, for a day, but I do a lot of reading, and I encounter, just tangentially, subjects such as weather engineering, which irks me, when the weather is, year over year, uncharacteristic, and seemingly, cruel, at that, and arbitrary. I feel that a proud and foolish man (or woman) would claim superiority over nature, whereas natural sciences are, on one hand, significantly vast, and numerous, in nature; and, as well, for the sake of the fact that a self-made attitude, in part, plays in to this sort of narcissism, and, on another topic at issue, sometimes, people gather together, in the various forms that we gather, nowadays, or are influenced, collectively, perhaps - we may be apt to have been led by suggestion, at a point in time in which we were prone to seek peers, and support, for ourselves, which is natural, and standard, in psychology, whereas cruelty sometimes simply seems, or feels like it’s appropriate, when our emotions and patience are tried. The best of the self-made pool of successful people, as far as articles have reported for us - would (surreptitiously) have a second-hand, non-arbitrary “serving” of their foes’ consequences, for defiance - it’s part of corporate governance structures, I’d come to discern, in far fetched lessons that I glean intelligence and insight from, which seem to rightfully characterize the man or woman whose face seems to be duly their own, and with recognition to boot, for having become the rare public figure who had flouted a poor reputation, notably so, of some sort, which regularly peppers our news feeds, of a Scientology sort of twinge to a story of life 😏. It’s tough, but we all like to laugh, on one hand. 

Wait. While I arrived at this thought, I’d like to dote on a recollection of its significance - of the fact that we all like to laugh, raucous and foul-natured that the humor may be, and despite expectations at maturity and composure, yet, writers have to have a job, and “everyone’s got to matter,” (perhaps, here, inappropriately, that I’d put this last assertion in quotes), and humor is one way to soften the insults that more well-composed, patient, and reserved folks might otherwise duly characterize these sorts of qualms, of occurrences, that get served to us, on our intellectual meal plates. 

Some sort of similar notion got flouted my way, for observation, and for ire, for example, when I’d checked on a selfie porn video that I got talked in to filming, and I looked fwacked and bwammo’d, most surely, facially, which - on one hand, I’d refrained, initially, from posting it, yet, I got talked in to reconsidering it, and, even though - fwacked and bwammo’d, in appearance, to be sure, I relented, and I went ahead and posted the video. It made me consider contingencies of classical virtue, in a philosophical sense, of stuff like, “well, what if it’s just fwacked and bwammo’d on my end, for ethical and moral purposes, like self-restraint, and public relations considerations, et al - considerations?” I’m not all that cognizantly a pornographic narcissistic exhibitionist, via search, so outright and simple. Who is? - I figure. 

Okay. Some people are…, or, uh, I dunno. I don’t really know anybody. Who really knows the real somebody, anymore, these days, enough to truly get to know somebody, for real friends, types of purposes? Some guy gets me, like that, and we’re hanging out, right now. Some notes, I encounter, are that he makes me desire drugs, none whatsoever, while he’s with me, and, by and large, I’d refrained from re-dosing myself, whereas, I’d probably, most surely, have had chosen otherwise, had I been by myself, which is characteristic. I’m always by myself, as a homeless person. I’m always fraught with the presence of others (okay, sometimes, perhaps. I do like people-watching, a bit - but not, like, I’m super-in to it, or by any means, inappropriate) - I’d used pornography, in my personal time, to satisfy that sort of personal aspiration at intrigue. I guess that some people find it creepy, since the reality of creating pornography is sometimes a matter of abuse, from an objective, societal perspective - in common sense, in other words. I know that, well enough, yet the pursuit of capturing the essence of beauty pervades our young minds, regardless of religious underpinnings, reeling against that sort of impulse. But what could possibly be left of childhood, for one thing, if these types of freedoms and expressions of ourselves were so truthful, accessible, and… simple, on one hand? It would easily cheapen the structure of authority, itself, if our nude and sexually vulnerably prone selves were our easily accessible identities, in common encounters. 

One thing that I imagined, in this moment - fleeting that it seems, for me, since I’d gone off, on contextual and corollary subjects, yet - here, I envisioned that I; within this context of this new friend that I have, for the time being - he’s still somewhat anonymous and new, for me, and a bit lofty, which is fine - my take on things is that reoccurrences, of casual encounters, is a rightful duty that true locals have to bear, for the namesake of being a local. Out here, that could get pretty rough, for a well-traveled person, yet intelligence, in many cases, rises to the task - independently supporting what’s duly right - simply right, as our higher power, as individuals, in a sense. Anyways, I showed the guy some of my old photos, and they were blurry - jittery, so to speak. I considered various things, such as - had “such and such” headquarters got rattled, of their data centers? On one hand, I’m a bit of a sore subject, in big tech c-space circles, imaginably, yet, I’ve encountered, in some instances, old dogs of men just don’t want to look bad, in front of people, if they can help it - something like that. Another thing that I’d been imagining is this “live forever” thing, and the consequences of equitability, and personal responsibility in the matter, sort of thing. It’s a hugely flouted topic, amongst people of my peer group, age-wise, I imagine, or figure. I mean, they see me, and, based on my past, they constantly seek retributions, actively, whereas, as I’d detailed, previously, here, the well-mannered and austere, or even “anonymous” (for not… well, I dunno, I guess, what makes a person anonymous, off-hand, except… well, maybe it’s the adults-only contextuals, or something - so much sexual abuse goes on) amongst the big tech corporate figures - they maintain (forgive the cheap grammar, please; it’s just for ease of usage) composure by long-gone-on standards of ethics, which are enforced, and admired, throughout the millennia, for the inherent, fundamental, and structuralized sustainability within those forms. These types of restraints and restrictions upon our expectations, and our selves - forms some of the suffering and burdens that some people are commonly fond of, or some cultures, for example - as an off handed quip, but I figure that people know what I’m talking about. 

Anyways, ugh. A huge array of annotations and subject and author citations to wrangle out - while I’m shallow-means deep, in this Sticker Time concept, perhaps, which I’d used a one-step (mostly) app, lately, to vectorize and “cute-if-y” my photo images (mostly mine, but I hadn’t foreseen some of these consequences) - such as my old photos becoming jittery, which I can withhold from doting and musing upon - for one thing. I can, as well, get around to these image annotations, T & C’s checkings-on, and making-sure, kinds of stuff, but some of these Sticker Time images, I feel that I couldn’t just do without, as far as handing them out, anonymously, and scarcely - because, on one hand, who could possibly truly be “God,” whatsoever, with absolute expectations and breadth of reach, reliably? Some people just aren’t reached. 

I figure - I’ll Sticker Time some folks, when I can, at random, mostly, and equitably - Sticker Time them.

Now my old photos are jittery. 

🙄

Original photo shared by @a_london_pigeon, on Twitter. Cartoony-look (plain vector) by Vector Q app.

A pigeon platform for the L.A. mayoral race in 2022.

 Original publishing date: 03/08/2022 (updating).

Theme: humor, satire, community voices

I don’t know about you, out there, but I can’t get enough of the news about Los Angeles. 

Staying informed, when it comes to local topics, here in Los Angeles, (at least, for myself) ignites the imagination. Sometimes I believe what I see on the news, and then, on one hand, I feel like I get a taste of a seedy side of investigative journalism. That’s a whole different topic, though, in and of itself. I’m more interested in chiming in on this year’s mayor’s office bid, which is reportedly a hotly contested position (supposedly <_<)… whereas I feel that I get a unique opportunity afforded to me, for being the [un]official DTLA pigeon flocks’ feeder, going on about 5 years, at this point. 

Look at how far we’d come.

Back when I started feeding pigeons, I was a homeless transient, loosely centered around various localities. I recollect that there were “No feeding the birds” signs up, here and there. Upon becoming informed, through looking the subject up, online, I found that it was a civic decency issue, of the birds potentially occupying too much pedestrian-centric sidewalk real estate, whereas there was not quite an orderly and dedicated care regimen for the birds, and their diet (and defecation) was a less (or not at all) managed issue. Regardless, the birds have been here, all along. They exist in every big city, in America, I’d largely suppose, and it’s known that pigeon fancying, bird feeding, and avian sport plays in to some of our deepest recollections on a theme of Americana, and even at that, pigeon care exists as a hobby, the world around - as can be discerned, from Facebook groups, for example. 

What do pigeons have to do with the mayoral race? 

On one hand, not a whole lot. Yet, if we take a more critical approach, looking intently, in to the semiotics and symbolism of what this departure of our long-standing current mayoral figure, Eric Garcetti, implies, it is a timely and serendipitous existential crisis, as for my own take on things, with President Biden’s bid and beck and call for our city’s leader to take on the task of ambassadorship to the nation of India, which, for me, as a mental health client and patient who is served by the County and City of Los Angeles, strikes a personal note; I won’t delve in to further details - discussing mental health and psychiatric issues, without regard for privacy is one of the formative tenets that would constitute a violation of ethics in the profession. Far be it, for me, to make waves in a professional licensure-based occupation, even whereas I have interest in the field, personally; I’m just a hard-liner for that “rules are the rules,” and I can’t breach terms on this Golden Rule tenet feature of the profession, it’s just too controversial. 

Yet, as insightful insiders could come to consider, having taken in this shallow context, and with me, having some informal political notoriety, I take my jibs and jabs, as a mock-up slight take on a public figure, being the pigeon-feeder, as my surface-level persona, as well as a figurative stage for giving voice and life energy to some seeded causes and purpose, in the context of pigeon feeding, and what it means, in a deeper, more considerate sense, in the hearts and minds of the people. On one hand, I’ve won a fair closely-held and dear position, in this by-line, of civic aptitude; at least - in the hearts and minds of the birds. They’ve been shown that they would commonly be seen to reject food that had been thrown out, for them, and rather, they wait, faithfully, for my arrival, largely because I make sure to feed them fresh food, but also on account of that they’d come to know me, for who I am, and for what I look like. It’s truly a heartwarming basis that I’ve established here, and with cameras watching, as my witness, I can attest to that much, about the primacy and virtue of the will and volition to keep the birds fed, in the civic center localities. 

On one hand, it’s a humble blessing, being a figure who is fraught with voices in my head: various personas, identities, and figures from my past, perhaps; and as well - a futuristic side-chained intelligence feed, of variable worth, as far as trust and actionable deeds to come about, if I were to entertain some of these intermittent intrusions, of the mind. Why this sort of thing happens? It’s as variable as people’s dedications are, towards some cause wrought out of my sentiment, and critique, on a subject, whereas some people just don’t like me, and they use dirty politics to edge a means and purpose in, on the dialectical, and the passing of time; the words, the deeds, and the dirt that comes about, being that we were battered creatures, of a common collective sort, some of us - me being amongst them, with some skeletons in my closet, whereas I’ve outlived, and corrected those dark side features about myself, as best that I could, whereas I struggle still, with the jokes, which catch my attention and breach my shortcomings’ threshold of exclusivity, in discernment - although this trait is not uncommon amongst several of my peers; these injured birds, so to speak, that we are, out of the flock of the rest of the population at large. 

I feel that many of these people, similarly afflicted, simply don’t see the part of Downtown LA that I do - having come to [some] familiar faces, on a daily basis (such as the grocery store employees), and, for that matter, I’ve come to find that adult relationships, in particular, for someone such as myself, are hard-won, and few and far between. People are highly industrious, seeking peak-intelligence, measured extents of adventuring in to the ego, and subject to ridicule, quite easily, from entertaining an improper slight - par inelegance, of the mind, even, yet many an occasion occurs, in which a person’s loose tongue will do them in - to ineffable and inalienable consequence - it’s dirty: downtown… and it’s “whose” job to clean it up? My contribution, be it what it may be, in my own mind, and in the eyes and opinions of people who witness it, and might care about the topic, for any sort of basis to come of it, and I have my blogs and social media to attest to any challenge, per se, and I feel that I’m validated in as much, given that I receive healthy and long-standing support, to a variable, yet redeemable pace and degree of observance, that I’ve come to recognize, being that I keep track of my analytics, stats, and hit counts, for example (or, the apps do it for me, that is). 

That being said, in my wildest imaginations, bearing down, somewhat, upon this notion that I, as well as some others, amongst me, friend or foe, are still nascent identities to become our own; to live down our closeted skeletons, shake off these dusty old portrayals of self, and somehow, aspire, and achieve, in fitting in, or of finding a niche, and for seeking that end in life which truly makes us happy - all while balancing so much adventure and leisure, being that we reside in the city of Los Angeles, and for that there is so much to distract us… 

Can’t you guys find some way to wisen up, like the older folks do?

Yesterday, some guy said my name, after I passed him by, and then I turned and looked, and he called me a psychopath. Ha. I was already scurred by that time, for imagining that stuff that seemed odd, out and about, could somehow pertain to my lonesome, and then, some guy says my name, and calls me a psychopath. He was an older gent, for that matter, though, and there was a touch of familiarity, perhaps, about it, and perhaps it was a gesture of graciousness upon me. I’ll have to revisit this route that I took, while making my way home. I had done that, for that matter, on this instance. But how could the people so commonly identify me? I’m not, like… I dunno. I’m not all that popular. These sorts of public shows of tactical superiority over me, the pigeon feeder, really get to me, over time, and I hear all sorts of fantastical flights of diversion from reason and soundness, of the mind’s resolve to become an adult, rather than languish in the follies of various stages or “growing up.” I’m nearly 40, now, and that ought to be a significant and well enough marker for a coming of age, a passing of time, and a ritual, of sorts, tending to a new stage of adulting, professionalism, and career. Somehow, shake this crisis and pandemic stuff off of our shoulders, and become who we would be, under the observation of our leaders, whom our current one, here in Los Angeles, the mayor, I feel, has been doing a fine and well enough job. It’s a tough job, with unseemly demands, and devious delights, in partaking of the human capital that comprises our city, and from what I’ve experienced, personally, it’s sometimes simply too much that’s offered to public figures - there’s much less accountability in the private sector, much more anonymity, and much more… umm, there’s a movie industry Script Supervisor word for it… although I forget… linearity, is not quite it; cohesion - somewhat, yet it would take a true insider to know what the term is, and I’ve got so many other minds of influence about and upon me; I’m not quite skilled, to that effect. What I do know, though, is quite sturdy, in my mind, and I feel like I make some people forget about what a problem was, about me, to begin with, after introducing myself, and this pigeon platform of simple service to the animals, and birds, and sometimes, I offer some charitable donations and deeds to the people, as well (just saying), but my take on this year’s mayoral race, is “does he have to | want to leave office?” and who could really take his place, given this civic uncertainty premise, of a by and large big city, and all of the personae indebted to the already-established networks of communications and community, that it were, that it is? What if somebody gets hurt, out of being neglected, or forgotten, in the course of a new line of duty, and new public officers? 

I’ve tried out various looks, of myself - just as a trifling corollary to the situation, and I must say - the close-cropped, well-groomed appearance must be the one that takes the cake, as the most astute look, that portrays the person, and the preeminence of good taste, posterity, and virtue, the best. Some of these corollary side-stories and by-lines, gaining the hopeful inductees, for the position, some notoriety, and in Los Angeles, I couldn’t tell you what anybody else’s storybook identity gets made out to be, and what to make of it, for what it’s made of, and from - I’m just the pigeon feeder, but I feel like even our current mayor had been given some notice about me - feeding the pigeons, and he approved. As to who can solve this homelessness problem? My take on it is - listen to the voices, even though nobody “told” me or you, “officially” - in many cases, they’re simply sober living home runaways, camped out for adventure, and then, they become bold, or scurred, or filthy, for being out in the elements, but finding people work - the ones who are fit and suitable for it: I feel that that should be a priority. For the problem-dealing and problem-solving demographics, they’ve got their work cut out for them - piles of trash, people setting things on fire, trapping pigeons, yelling in the streets - who knows how to solve these problems quick enough, for people’s liking? 

Just some thoughts on and around this topic. Thanks for reading. 

An update: 04/25/2022. A Monday.

A Monday after a week like last week? People were out and about, the night prior, doing all sorts of sporting and competitive things, I’d suppose. I hung out over in a generally desolate part of town, although there seems to be some people who like to park there, and also a wayward traveler, on foot, every now and then. Across the street, things are banging. There’s new upstart nightlife and restaurant fare, and the views can’t much be beat, to a large degree. Up at the top of Bunker Hill is where City Hall begins, as the staging grounds for the City’s workforce and administrators, as well as the legal profession, and the nation’s history and armed forces are also commemorated, in the uphill east-to-west direction. Then there’s the place for culture, and the arts, at the top of the hill, and beyond that, there’s the Department of Water and Power, which seems scarcely populated, but then again, there seems to be little work. 

On one hand, at some point, a while back, I’d gloated over the notion that there was an endlessly boundless capability, of the people’s impetus in seeing unprecedented gains in culture and in intelligence. On that note, I try to keep up with many streams and threads of intelligence, but my argument, in my own bias, is that I get too constantly distracted by people intentionally diverting my mind and body’s resources, in going out to do this labor: the work of feeding the birds. It had been happening regularly, and I’m not quite sure what became of those people, but I feel like I’m being made to live around some of them, as that they’re portrayed as that they can’t do without me - I know, it would tend towards that some graciousness be shown, but I have particular and high standards for the people who would accompany me, along my journeys and for my discoveries in life, but - to pare down the perspective at hand, I simply want to do the pigeon and sparrow feeding thing, and it feels like people either want to take up that space from me, for one thing; they have inordinate and uncultured attitudes and egos, number two, and they fail to apologize for their former transgressions, seeming, instead, to show up with some sort of story built upon a basis of entitlements, or abuses that they’d lobbed at me, from a distance, somewhat “romantically,” they might offer, about the circumstances. 

In any case, I was supposed to comment on this update about how the news is going south, lately, and significantly news-bwopp bwopped, is, like bwopp a bwopper made them that “news person” hungry - awrr 🦖 rawr, awrr rawr rawr: hungry for that gig, just to bwammo people’s expectations, with a care for accountability cast to the wind, and raw deals being struck, here and there, such as that the pigeon feeder ought to be challenged by sporting types, on every day, and things of that nature, in being obvious. It’s been a secluded and neglected feature of on-screen prattle, yet the ones who have to show face, and report on things, intelligibly, are, on one hand, a fair degree more sober and well-heeled in this industry, here in Los Angeles. What does the pigeon feeder have to do with anything? 

It would somewhat pertain, I suppose, drawing some conjectural evocations of common identity and culture, that we have, within the focus context of that the mayor of Los Angeles, was largely touted as that he’d be reassigned, to the Biden Administration, for the sake of doing an “India Ambassador” job, and, in which case, I draw some slight professional insight and expertise, yet I also, here and there, do the misfortunate realist position, of being casually biting, in describing and in speaking on some things, and I’d brought up figures such as a Baba, for perusal’s sake, and somewhat, for dramatic effect. I was queried on the reassignment, which could possibly have seemed to have been tough, and people even seemed to want for me, myself, to do the job, but the real in-person reality of some individuals, is much more an unexpected, somewhat concealed, perhaps fluid, and secretively dynamic sort of encounter, and I felt that I saw this, the other day, last week, in that I saw somebody who looked like our mayor, during a public event, which I sat in on. 

“Watch out for Pakistani shenanigans,” was my second-hand advice, to the voices in my head. I’d learned that one, back in college. The Pakistanis are perhaps friendly, and yet, there’s a much deeper and more insightful tirade of racial identity and culture which pervades the ‘Stanis, the [x]istans, the Europeans, the Russians, and the Chinese - on one hand, it’s a significantly large expanse of land, to suppose so much context be drawn of them, yet the land mass is one continuous mass of land, and, to digress, for just a moment, the cultures there do, in fact, somewhat seamlessly flow, in the countries that maintain their national identities, yet, take in to consideration that these people are multiply-imbued and endowed with traits of one and the other culture, of the expanse of land that these people are hailing from, as their homeland. I’d covered this phenomenon, previously, but I’m repeating myself, a bit, here, on account of that people are forgetting that I had ever established any real importance in the lives of people, whereas many people, scattered that they may be, are simply disregarded, and abused, of their forthright willingness, otherwise, of that they would potentially socialize with me, rather than someone they find offensive - here, in this peculiar trait, upon life, many people find reason and purpose in discriminating against others, and in making demands. 

Being that homelessness is such a large issue, at context, my other large issues at context, recently, simply to bring folks up to speed, is “xxx on break,” with xxx being a mathematical figure, here, for consideration’s sake, and, for that matter, I’m in the thick of things, making me a “viable” target for victim profiling sorts, and for human traffickers. The thing to keep in mind, though, is the power wielded, just potentially, by another administrative executive, whereas I saw the book, in the library, on the subject - somewhat as simple as her superficial charm would be seen to be. But, to be truthful, there’s a woman online, given a search for fondling girl’s breasts (small tits) kind of relevance and contexts, to draw up, and I truly felt that perhaps the person in this administrative position was willfully accommodating me in becoming a profiled victim and long-term failure account, in the otherwise, to a large degree - lackluster prognosis and outlook, for the individuals concerned with this particular issue, at context - and then, there was the book! And it seemed so slight, of that it was her, but then, I, too was taken by the administrative figure’s charms, and I enjoyed a bit of looksies in to seeing her small titties be fondled, and just maybe, that’s her, as well, but that couldn’t possibly be what the people would, by and large, appreciate of and from me, for example. 

Aside from all that, the culture, in context, here is capable of upward mobility, in some instances, and well-enough assimilation, although “obvious” things, that would be supposed of some people, I’d imagine, could potentially happen, but maybe it would be, like, a train ride and a hike up the road, a bit, from Tinseltown, and who gets all this money? - on one hand, somewhat at issue, and then, I’m being essentially blacklisted, from many things, but that’s only because some people are put at threat, for managing a problem that pops up. I guess that there was some additional inquiry, in to the spot where it goes down, but all things contextually swirling about - do seem to have been going on, over there, and it’s being overrun, potentially, as a problem, but maybe the people inside are scary, or who knows where they get caught, in breaking the law, such that had happened, earlier in the day, yesterday. Maybe it was today. I don’t quite recall, all that well. There are other people who do take my accounts, on things, seriously, and why not? Yet people seem to largely be put in a brinksmanship position, on things, and who would abandon a job that’s needfully fulfilled, well enough, already? 

If I spoke on things, I’d speak like that on what’s going on, and I’d draw some minor relevance, about people, informed, on the issue, but the people who care not, for vertical advancement, in sociable economics, are largely holding people back, somewhat, from enjoying the town, of a safe manner, whereas some people are, for example… awrr…<_< … arrr. 🐕 

Just arrr… that’s good enough, for people. It’s the end of the night. Tomorrow, would wind up being much the same, except that many people will simply fail, in doing what they set out to do, on account of that sleeping feels great, it’s presumed, and then - none of this nonsense going on, that’s still going on, but perhaps I ought to be a bit more adventuresome, and venture some risk, and distribution of my efforts, and I’ve got a great support mechanism, on one hand - it does suit my condition quite equitably, I just have to be capable of paying my quarterly taxes on things, and I really do appreciate things that I get, and people I come across, in general, but sometimes, there’s a type of person whom I just can’t quite get along with, for one reason, or another, but I’m just somewhat being led in to annotating this piece’s update with that information. I wrote it down, I guess that that person is viable, in my life, as well. I’ve got a significant well, uh, I dunno. I just treat it like an NDA. I think that that was somewhat the premise. Alright. Goodbye. 

August 27th, 2022, evening

I had come out to feed the pigeons and sparrows for the day, and I missed some of the bird flocks, yet, come evening, at the DTLA Proud Festival, and in neighboring areas, there was some talk and developments that amounted to that it was starting to appear as that I was becoming a popular notion, in unofficial polling efforts which had been going on, along with (I think) select news media markets reporting on me, asking if people felt that the pigeon-feeding bum and public works efforts version of me merited me a chance at becoming mayor, should I have ran, in this year’s race. Perhaps I’ll consider it, for next year, or maybe, for a longer haul type of consideration. On one hand, my good health is always a challenge, in upkeep, and if I’m good for it, on one year, I ought to be good for it for the long run, I feel. 

It’s a challenging premise, leading up to the prospect of supposing that I feel like I could be mayor, unofficially, during the time being, because it’s an obvious shortcoming if I mess up about showing up to feed the pigeons on one day or another. There’s other basic issues about the premise of it, that I’d espoused as part of my values platform, such as that I’d felt that I could contribute to cleanup efforts of the area in which I live, which is South Los Angeles - still part of Los Angeles, the city. My current stance is that I feel that it’s impossible for a single person to make much of a dent in clearing out what amounts to a vast spree of bulk dumping. I’d spotted The L.A. Conservancy Corps out in South Los Angeles doing the work, and there’s another company, with a truck, that does custodial services for the standing trash cans and for the dumping and litter that goes on aside from that work. Some guy threw some litter on the ground, right in front of me, on this day, and my remote sensing “claim” that he’d made, as an unspoken gesture of “believable” or “perhaps” that he’d agree with the thought, should it have “actually” been suggested to him, in his own mind, while he walked away, after tossing the litter out, in front of me, was of a sense of that he’s a “drug dealer” and they have it hard enough, in life, as it is, and ought not someone else pick it up for him? 

It’s a pervasive type of belief, on one hand. On the other hand, it’s a significantly childish and oppositionally-minded attitude, and the armed forces, or law enforcement, apparently, are given the task of correcting those individuals. 

In any case, this “not showing up” issue typically has to do with the amount of inflammation I’d taken on, over the course of the day, or days, that I go out, doing this work. Sometimes it feels like the foundation of the place underneath me, somewhat - wherever I am, is being “jacked up” or “down,” and, I suppose, it affects the degree of inflammation I hold on to, in differing parts of my body. If I don’t get up, it’ll simply become completely “displaced,” rather than it blows off, potentially, if I walk it off, or I sometimes have the option of getting up, if I’m home, in particular, for the sake of taking a hot bath, and I sweat it out - it’s a very uncomfortable thing to do, at times, and there’s cheating shortcuts about the quality of “sweating it out,” for one thing, if I happen to hoist part of myself up out of the bath, and I try to cool off, rather. Twice this week, though, I fell asleep in the bathtub, and I find that to be a good sign, as far as “feeling better” goes, for having taken a bath, for how much better I feel, in general.

Overall, I feel that my own personal markers of success, in achieving some change and progress, in society, is that the birds remain fed, and looking well, acting friendly, and that some of the trees remain green and watered, as well as that it takes feeding of the trees, some of them, with minerals and other nutrients, for their upkeep. There were some other markers of success that need some work, as well, which could perhaps use some work, such as joking around, and sobriety, but circumstances seemed fairly favorable, currently, given all other things considered.

A 12 Steps 9th Step Reflection - What am I supposed to do when people simply can’t be honest with themselves?

 Being a situational minority, [living in South Los Angeles] myself - “visually” (although only “somewhat;” I do sometimes get myself casually mistaken for being Hispanic), I get a lot of flack. 

It’s the kind of thing that would have potentially framed our collective and generalized minds, for having been part of the dragnet downward spiral that so many of us face, for having this faulty, anti-social, mistaken, misfortunate, misgiven, mistreated, maladapted, disregarded, or sometimes, we were simply just the one picked out to be bullied upon, for a long stretch of life. Many of us, in the smallest demographics, here - the 1-4%ers; the silent intelligent minds, the secretive genius, the condescending outperformer, or some sort of spiritual misfit, perhaps. 

As the fungus, for the sake of wood rot - in healing the stuff of nature that consumes us, as the tree of life, perhaps, that we, as intelligent humans are, we tend to a greater sustainability, for having made the sacrifice that signifies and represents our material loss in life - for nature to persist.

I was some sort of combination of these things, to varying degrees. My teachers might commonly have characterized me as an “A” grade mind, but a “B” grade achiever. It would be quite ostensible, as such. I was hit, as a child, and treated cruelly, at times, by my parent authority nurturing environment. Although I was young, I knew, intelligently well enough, that I was being mistreated, and that there was an unreasonable expectation of that I ought have not violated whatever boundary it was that I had pushed too far on, in acting out, or whatever the case might have been. That was back when I was around age 6, or so, when I started to come to understand that I was being held hostage, of sorts, and that life is a cruel endeavor, at times. My happiness and enjoyment was ephemeral, and sadness came as a much more common and ostensible expectation of myself

Now, at age 39, I do broadly superficial gestures towards a mindset of reserved superiority, should that card need to be pulled, in order to one-up myself, in a situation, whereas I’m narcissistic, at times, and I feel that simply accommodating others I come across, superficially and casual that it may be, I do have a somewhat limited basis and “license,” as it were - to engage with, and exchange acquaintanceship with, as far as how I might ever (or, actually) expect to get to know a great many more individuals in the localities in which I frequent. On some level, the diversity of Los Angeles, and surrounding areas, is a beautiful thing - we get a small taste of it, here and there, as children - some of us had interaction-based socialization profiles, some of us had cultural endowments, of our learning and travel experience, in our youthful developing years, and others - well, to be honest, I somewhat simply don’t quite know. There’s not much in terms of disclosure, when it came to so many people. It was bwammo; butt shittle, for sure, and bwopp dick? Plik plok. 

That’s essentially how I do some people. What else am I supposed to do? They seem to realize it, and they truly just go for it, in this slight game of alluding to a secretive shame of non-disclosure of what’s humble and slight about us; each unto ourselves, but as for myself, I feel as though I’m simply capable, in being an honest person, whereas I seem to attract a lot of pent up frustration and aggression towards me, as well as to my personal belongings, possessions, art work - even my right of way and freedom of volition, out in public. Ought I mix it up, a bit more, and get out of town, for that it’s slight localities that I frequent? I’m trying to do something with these pigeons and sparrows, though. I feel that that’s the crux of what separates and distinguishes me from these “others,” casually “majority” that they might be, for as ephemeral and unsustained that it might be, when it comes down to constancy, faith in, and loyalty to a purpose - it’s sometimes that it is quite obvious that people had been talking about me, in some group or networked small and trivial collective or establishment of people - on the other hand, I have the largest demographic of spiritually faithful compatriots that I might believe exists, for being a Christian man; perhaps here and there I entertain discovering various nuances of the faith, and demonizations, but these are simple numbers and statistics that we had all grown up with. 

Somewhere along the way, young people had decided that popular beliefs and establishments were disdainful, and averse to the common man’s wellbeing, whereas true wellness was largely characterized as a shameful “hurt” area; it hurt to have affections for others, to achieve, in the face of others who had not serendipitously found good fortune, well enough for everyone’s attention spans (how commonly does serendipity happen?). People who had achieved some good or gainful new establishment, as for their own take - were seen as the rightfully scapegoated ones. That’s how I feel, in any case. It happens to women, of a certain sort, all the time, and who likes to be incorrect, or improper? It’s a humbling thing, for many - discovering the consequence of “God’s” purpose and judgment in our lives, yet I hear confessionals all the time, and I have my own notions as to how and why these sorts of interrogative processes come to be characterized and fixed in to the mind of an unwell and unstable psychological archetype - ephemeral that it may be, it does happen quite commonly, for the great many amongst the few of us, that there are, in some instances. 

The truth is most commonly a great and celebrated thing; it’s a thing of joy, good humor, and elation - good people can’t imagine something so awful and horrid, such that it ought not have been done. At what point does the unrelenting bold one simply cease to persist in asserting dominance over differences between themselves, and a great many others? People have access to richly developed minds and intelligence forms of much of history and establishment that has been recorded in some form, whether it be visual, artistic, literary, or of the other ways and means in which we communicate and confer symbolism and meanings unto others. 

A voice for the elitely privileged: maintaining control in the face of superabundance.

 At some points in time, in life, the literary and well-cultured life tends us towards a subconscious attraction for the overly-superficial and temporarily gainful (albeit wasteful, and unsustainable) feelings of indulgence in to elitism.

We (I’d suppose that it affects me, as well, since I just recently had a near-death experience) sometimes forget our proper selves, and we eschew moral and ethical standards of behavior, for the sake of neglecting more fundamental and truthful pains in life, whereby we tend to a surface-level of superiority, it might seem, over what’s otherwise deemed as inappropriate and “not allowed,” in society. Given the pandemic, and civil disobedience movements of the heraldry of this particular time and place, in life, such as the nationwide riots, and symbolic support and morale for things, enforcement of laws has seemed to have become lax, in the face of preserving the lives of those who are there to protect us. Given this, many unlawful types of behavioral attitudes and portrayals of a common individual have become, by minute instances, more common, more seemingly “acceptable,” for their entertainment and pleasurable flouts of exhibitionistic enjoyment, and for tending to baser, albeit ephemerally pleasant (yet only, for some), social and establishment defilements that place us in a less progressive and supportable demographic, in life, for being unnecessary, of a fundamental nature. 

Being Americans (although this blog seeks to embody a globalist outlook and perspective in life), we have much of the best of our times, on a socially widespread and well-afforded degree of pervasiveness. Delving back, even further, we, as millennials, had a young adult-life era of materialistic indulgence and self-serving portrayals of great luxury and wealth pervade our still-nascent nurturing environment; insufficient, that it was, for that we are, by and large, not the financially well-to-do and literal elites of society. We simply had been afforded some facets of these traits, in life, for the sake of embodying equality, with a marketable vulnerability that was allowed fulfillments, of a lackluster resource of fundamental support, for such attitudes, in life. Few people are truly rich, well-off, beautiful, as well as socially graced with truthfully virtuous traits and attitudes in life, comparatively. 

That being said, experiences with, and interactions, thereof, of the truly well-off morally and ethically well-to-do, in society, are scarce commodities. In economics, scarcity is one of the most fundamental valuators of worth, and of value, in life. Much of what is ephemeral and easily accessible is contrary to the things that truly support wealth and social gains in life. What do we seek, to fulfill ourselves, in this day and time? We are afforded so much of what came before, with the Internet at our behest, yet things of higher and more distinctive scarcity, in terms of intellectualism, are still provided at a cost; we could not much disavow our Google Scholar and, even further, Google Books resources of academic intelligence, on one hand, that still cost money, in many cases, yet I find that many people seem to have adopted behaviors tending towards “acting out”,” in life, thus shrugging off the acceptable standards of conduct that personified our commonalities and deserved degrees of penetration and intrusiveness, in sociability, that public schools had afforded us. I didn’t go to an elite private school; some people did. Why act like people can behave themselves in such a brazenly indulgent manner, as if there is no authority in life? True intelligence and composure, in maintaining any sort of rational social engagement profile and demonstrations of appropriate social graces still come at a cost, and require a sober and accountable mind, of humility, rather than pride.

Such corollaries, that have characterized society, and which may have seemed unfair, are portrayed in the slight civilian media circuses such as Britney Spears’ conservatory (edit: conservatorship) Many people came to her “support” apparatus, in life, yet intimations of that a party-life, of a vastly seemingly endless spree of grandiosity and frivolity seem to have been underpinnings of such movements. People would do better to say less, inquire more (politely so), and in some cases, simply disavow that their needs are not being appropriately met, in cases of a pervasive lack of sobriety, for example. 

I’ll leave things at that, and allow for people’s own conscience and recognizance of our liberties afforded to us, of our will and volition in life. Sometimes, things are not quite what they seem, if a most superficial portrayal and portending of ourselves is what is at issue, and at stake, in life (that it may seem). Some people need some certain things, life, some people are content with what they have; some others might need to be restrained, yet I seem to attract an inordinate amount of abuses, and I’d just nearly died, for example, of what ostensibly suggests that I am over-exhausting myself, whereas I most commonly just seek to get out and feed the birds, lately. That’s been going on for years, now. People ought not be so shortsighted such as to expect that behaviors ought not be capably overcome, if they had been, or are, faulty and “not allowed,” in other words, whereas death came so easily afforded to me, such at it seemed to so seamlessly occur within the expanse of things that I would commonly do in life, whereas many people stand to live at least a few, several, or more, perhaps, decades in life, whereas people have so commonly demonstrated, foolishly, that they forget what they are talking about, or what the point of fulfilling the volition to speak to others had been, of such comically foolish terms. True fulfillment would more rightfully suggest contentment, rather than discontent.

A weekend of trifle, blasphemous drama - the various things of the linear mind date time and identity - to Pasadena and then out of town.

Things have been getting to have been seen as an emergent crisis beyond attestment at my home, and 

:

in leaving, there were others in various locales to consparige the debacle. 

Although seeming nothing (much) new, there was an alts-jours carnival in establishment of being set up on the foray of my turn street, at home, at Broadway at 90th - stretching to Manchester. It was an unexpected and somewhat beauteous thing to imagine that there was a carnival simply, as such - right outside my front door, just up the street; me with my pigeons carnival blog and app in development. 

I had achieved several of many things that ought have needed to have been done by now - this day being Sunday the 14th, and many of my endeavors having been disparaged of interrent, latent, or otherwise - various debacles of a less merited cause for me to have attached myself to during those times.