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Wednesday, May 26
Friday, May 21
Of on Dick Big Now,
I, personally, could maintain that I'm not quite up to, or for it, given that my underlying psychological sexual affinities draw much closer to extended foreplay and orgasm denial.
Not that I'd been having much opportunities in heterosexual dating arise, any time recently, but I'm banking on that people live longer, in general, over time; I'll improve in my life's circumstances, over time, and I'm [unbeknownst, previously] just a particular someone who's time has come to a generational halt: the ones who enforce these types of upstart cells are jackin' juice, trying to keep up with law enforcement surveillance detail, and sometimes, or for correcting physical abnormalities inherited from birth, or from youth, in their nurturing environment's circumstances.
I'd casually experimented with Testosterone supplementation, on one occasion, in life, as a dumpster digger treasure-hunting bum, digging through a dumpster. I found a 1/3rd (or so) syringe labeled as testosterone in a dumpster, and I happened to be in the Fairfax district of Mid-City Los Angeles; nice neighborhood, so I figured, "why not?" I took it as that the testosterone was for external and topical use. When I got home, I rubbed some of the creamy substance on to my shoulders and chest, since that was the area in which I would have liked a bit of growth and improvement on. Over the next day, or so, I had developed a somewhat buzzing, electric feel, around the area, and the muscles that I'd applied the cream to had a dull ache about them, as if I'd worked out, which I hadn't, much, besides that I was out collecting recyclables.
These days, I'm a bit bulky hefty, in my upper body, and I'm significantly muscular in my legs. I go on long walks around town, several times a week.
Cheap trick shit, of a hooker, or « something like that », a Dick Big Now would commonly have of it. As for myself, I feel that I would be troubled significantly more so, if my penis was getting in the way of my life, in common scenarios, come to pass, as they do, all the time. For that matter, I'm circumcised. I don't have to worry about things in regards to my privates that my parents hadn't taken care of, already, and also based on what's known about health.
"The human race is in peril because of people who use drugs religiously."
- unknown male observer, 4:55 p.m., May 20, 2021.
At some point in time, I feel like many of my life's circumstances and problems do, in fact, arise from out of other people in life who take issue with me. The latest was just yesterday, where, the day prior to yesterday, I had serviced a client I'd met through craigslist, and he bore some resemblance to some other guy I'd known, previously. I don't really gossip about people; I try to keep it Christian, but the circumstance was that there was a debate over who was the most handsome tweaker Nazi of downtown L.A., or "something like that," whereas I'd garnered some support for myself, in the run for achievement of that end, in life, "supposedly," based on that women's remote personas were being portrayed as such.
So, I get pwned sometimes. It's most typically portrayed to me, in my mind, as *some guy." At times, the man is shielded of his identity towards me, yet only for an ephemeral extent of time. Inevitably, the man is ousted of his veil of secrecy, and intimations of that a law enforcement officer, or some sort of surveillance agent, had been figuratively embodying the interlocutor, imitating his affect and formant through means of technology, whereas the person whom I am familiarized with had been, in turn, himself pwned by surveillance, and a drama in which he is presented with me, imminently myself, somewhere else in the world, by most means of imaging (typically). For as much as the portrayal of me is worth, of for « thoughts | imagination | beliefs » sake, the man finds the novelty of me timely, and an adjunct to ascending the ladder of sociable capital and narcissistic supply.
Inevitably, when the ruses of transpired suggestibility become played back at me, I'm so commonly simply prepared for the relentless siege upon my freedom and autonomy, being that I am (and "we" are, for all intents and purposes) the same age as these people (I'm currently 39 years old), and I'd obviously grown up, as a child, expecting that I'd be living a family life, dating, settled down, working, more or less: standard stuff in life; I feign existential circumstance as though I'm now babysitting my school days' peers, as an adjunct mental health professional (although I'm unpaid for that task, and I hadn't gone through formal education for it; only personal pursuits in study of psychology and abnormal and antisocial personality disorders, of which subject had been of considerable aspirations, for me, in learning, given that I suffer from bipolar disorder, myself. The difference is, is that I'd had private medical insurance afforded me, through my parents, during my upbringing, and I'd been more situably appropriate for standing in on abnormal psychological stubs of egotistical and grandiose psychology traumas of my former peers, whereas I'd had a streak of wild financial and romantic successes, quite commonly, in my former early adult years. People became sick of it (guys, for the most part). These were guys that knew me as a different person. Don't people leave high school and establish their furtherance in successes in life, for moving forth in education or employment, via some route of expected progression throughout adulthood?
It's trite, by all means, yet I sometimes emerge as the « graces-bestowed » charismatic self-aggrandizing and condescending narcissist.
Other people are treated differently, by these guys. The entire premise of American values, at their most fundamental, is fraught with abuses and dissidence, through these young men, as if virtue itself was disposable, and extending in to quantum mechanics and communications intelligence industry and productivity means we're somehow on our minds, whatsoever, as children that we had been, as we knew each other, whereas people still find my childhood self relevant, somehow, and I'm left with only supposing that misfortunes had befallen them, as hapless abuse victims of their early developmental and nurturing environment's had been all that they realize and care for; our fathers being faulty, for as much as they could have been afforded in life, whereas now, excuses of merit and attainment are null concomitants in life, and expectations, in intellectual actualisations and capable selves, that we could, and ought be, are falling short of ourselves, whereas the tape roll may or may not have some active attention and oversight | followup, if you will, by some distanced third party objectivity mind about the matter.
In a more effective, impactful, and well-developed economy and society, intelligence would be expended liberally, as though we could play with the notion, while gaining in merits, for that developments, upon efforts, were the pleasurable pursuit and receipts of our blockchain ledger of harmonic tariffs expenditure that come to pass. At some point, artificial intelligence and machine learning superiority takes precedence over human-naked capable self, where quickness in perceptions to success ratios are commonly measures of intellectual merit, of just one form of merit, in intelligence quotient (IQ), and where cloud compute ephemeralities of remote sensing persona and presence, peering in, upon us, is the inevitable consequence of which we are afforded the liberal freedom of will, as it were, and given of that we are allowed our freedom of will, by our nation's constitutional foundry and formative statements. Surely, as some sort of anti-nationalist coup were to establish itself, we blurry the lines of distinction of identity, place and time, which had been regarded as self-indulgence partitioning of needs-based fulfillments pursuit, and "privacy leisure," such that I commonly end up finding myself commonly still pleasuring myself, watching pornography, whereas I'd had "good enough" relationships and attainments in life, to accept furtherance in needs fulfillment, such that I don't find, as a remote sensing abuse novelty, for men whom I'd used to know, in teenage and childhood years.
Surveillance causes entropy.
People appreciate their own sickness
in the same manner that a smoker has affections for their own smoke-flavored phlegm, during a bout with pneumonia.
Sure, a guy might have a bigger dick than me, and I simply don't care for it. Who could blame me? I'm fine with my own submissive fantasies; I work these things out, over time, and I learn what truly pleases a woman: being self-sufficient, self-reliant, and non-problematic, whether it be in bed or not, and how much of bedtime relations ought be a focus within the scope of a long-term relationship, anyways?
I'd shrugged guys off, recently, of a mounting psychic attack regime of on dick big, going on months, now, that it's been relentless like that. Is the threat of my conservative Christian nature aspirations in life seriously that much of a threat to men, of such a large swath of them? There are other men who are employed, for example, looking in on my topic issue remote sensing contextually, and I must say that the standard|-ly| employed demographic fares much better in resilience and self-esteem.
Let's face it, stalker guys. We're not quite allowed the full freedom and agency support of the authorities, themselves. I don't know what's going on, of on dick big, but I'd suppose that it's something as simple as Freud's plighted child and infant stage dilemmas, whereas I don't know a whole lot about masturbation and sexuality of a time before I became cognizant and linearly-minded, of the world. That happened around age 5. One of my first memorable characteristic knowledge contexts was that I knew how to pleasure myself. I became a classical pianist, and my hands were imbued with extra focus, for example, given the extents of my knowledge base and repertoire of activities I might have, and did - engage in. Musical knowledge is one of the 8 or 9 intelligences, after all, and people otherwise appreciate musicians, and their lives and livelihoods.
It's like, they can't stand the fact that I'm me, and I receive pleasure from up and out of myself, sometimes. It's a sad thing, to be sure; if I wasn't me, and I had to be myself, as well, of some notion, but people are supposed to have something fair enough and decent about themselves, in any case. I worked hard in learning, growing up. As hard as I was capable of; yet people had been doing this "talking at me" thing since my childhood, I'm sure. All of this sort of knowledge base will inevitably become formalized in the future, and acting out in one's "private" time would surely reap additional consequences, once the statistics in communications intelligence become analyzed for cost and casualties incurred, compared to benefits of « other cells » of people who were allowed to operate differently. Keep in mind - affecting me, as a personalized favorite target has very scrum little effect on society in general, whereas common society moved forth, regardless, and despite that abused like this are playing out. Sure, it's a "easy" target to exploit - imagining that "talking at someone" is as good as "actually" speaking with someone, but you guys are mentally and emotionally unwell and immature. I say that there's some dick big and Freud's Penis Envy, or some other genitalia-sordid context underlying the thing. My penis is just standard normal, by any measure of evaluation. It's just standard, but was sexuality simply this much the issue at all times, every day, though? Women are going to learn standard and appropriately proper "stuff," sooner or later, and weirdos will be sorted out and fall short in effecting well and nurturing relationships, for courting abuses and psychosis, inevitably of that these guys smoke or shoot their drugs, whereas I offset the potential for risk and danger by limiting myself to snorting, and I honestly just don't, and can't - [quite] get that high. I don't get as high as these guys, anymore, and I feel that they are getting that high, smoking and shooting their drugs, or whatever, and sexually abusing me, as a false idol, whereas I become the representative of the sexually-abused person, in judgment over them, for the fact that sexuality had been repressed and reprimanded of me, whereas I grew up comfortably, in pleasuring myself, and these guys are trying to boycott and abuse even that, of myself.
Saturday, May 15
I've spent some time getting to know the scents and fragrances that I've purchased, and, like previous fragrance purchases, of the bulk sort, that I've acquired, in the past, there was a hint of prematurity in the manufacturing process, as the products were delivered to me, as far as solvent smells. There was some notion of incense smoke in some of them, and others just seemed to be a bit off-character, of what I might have expected to receive, as fragrance ingredient components.
|A messy hands-on approach to home-curing and milling fresh-from-manufacture chemical fragrance ingredients.|
Milling and curing the containers is an ad hoc theory of mine, somewhat based upon the notion of centrifugal agitators, that phlebotomists use, in preparing blood samples for analysis. In the past, I would carry all of my valuables and purchases with me, due to paranoia about my housemates stalking me.
Friday, May 14
Being in the business of public relations, at times, keeping up appearances is of the upmost importance. It takes presence, of many shapes, ways, and forms, in order to make a lasting good first impression upon the general public.
For me, in coming from a background of having been an introverted person, by nature (and I still am), I’ve learned, from my former uplifting relationships, from my past lives, various skills in which they’d been brought up more suitably for the sake of pleasing the crowds, and putting on a public face. I was raised of a different sort; my mother, being Cantonese Chinese, and both my parents conservative, at that: they had a disdain for superficiality and frivolity, and I was commonly reprimanded for trying to put on a colorful ruse, for the public, although my impetuous self sometimes won through, and I indulged various facets of persona marketing staked upon impressive physical features, which I felt would assist me in my business ventures, and bolster my professional identity.
Over time, I developed various niche hobbies that I pursued for the advancement and development of my aesthetic environment, such as interior design, topiary decorations, cultural effects, and parfumerie creations (aromatherapy). Being that we live in a time of scaling-back, of luxuries, living in smaller spaces causes the aesthetics pursuer to find creative and neat-fitted manners in which we can entertain our public. Social media is one of the ways in which we can communicate our online and internet presence identities to others, and significant advancements in decentralizing and distributing the facets of cultural attainments and establishments have become vast foray for the interested, and, for the ones who are seeking to develop their aesthetic pursuits, using all available resources, the modern digital day and age, in what social media affords us; we are presented with an unprecedented set of opportunities and resource for learning what others have gained, through achievements in aesthetics and design.
Parfumerie, and aromatherapy, in general, is one of the subtler finery attainments to pursue. Offering gifts of fragrance is one of the ancient and biblically historic rituals and gestures of praise and worship:
A well-intentioned and virtuous resource of fragrant offering, of ourselves, is one of the simplest ways in which we can impress upon others, and gain sociable merit and supply in which we can more easily and effectively strike up a conversation with others, when we are out and about - meeting our peers, out in public, for example.
I personally carry around four different fragrances, currently: Spicebomb, by Victor & Rolf, Dior Homme, Tom Ford’s Tobacco Vanille, and Miss Dior Absolutely Blooming perfume. I like strong and spicy scents. My latest fascination is with Hermès Citron Noir, and I’m planning on buying it as soon as possible.
I decided to have
a multi-faceted approach to my own perfumes cottage industry production - partially, and to begin, as an invested experiment, in seeking to imitate, or replicate, somewhat, my favorite fragrances, from scratch. Discovering online resources for procuring fragrance and aroma ingredients is a bit of a challenge, at first, or for the uninitiated. I happened upon (much more easily so) chemistry lab suppliers who carried the ingredients, and curiousities of organic and other sorts of chemistry supplies, of which, for me, was all part of a learning experience. As it turns out, the layperson is able to browse and view chemical suppliers’ web sites, yet upon completing the online checkout process, we (as the layperson) would encounter a barrier in the transaction, as the requirements are that the receiver of the products would have to be some sort of established, certified, and licensed laboratory.
Www.perfumersworld.com is a great compromise to that barrier from establishing a beginner’s collection of fragrance resource materials. I was able to order sizable amounts of fragrance ingredients (they measure their product prices by gram measurements), suitable enough for me to prepare a variety of sorts of fragrances. I’m somewhat intent on just sitting on, and casually observing, via the olfactory sense, the character and nature of the ingredients, as I read up on the individual substances, and familiarize myself with their properties, as individual components of mixed fragrance compositions, which I will eventually get in to.
Fragrances fresh from the supplier have some of the manufacturing process’ byproducts upon them, still, as the various products are manufactured via differing methods of extraction and production. I’m planning on letting the products cure, and mature, so to speak, and eventually, the solvent smells will be less prevalent, upon opening and smelling the individual bottles and containers that the ingredients came in.
The purchasing process with perfumersworld.com was a quick breeze, and quite efficiently managed. I was able to purchase 20 ingredients for under $450, which was my allocated budget for the project. I ordered the package on Friday afternoon, and they were gone for the weekend, but they responded to me on Sunday night, in regards to the shipment. I wanted to add an ingredient, and the customers service representative answered me quickly, and I had my shipment sent out to me on the 11th. Quite quick service, it was.
As you can see, the shipment moved very quickly, through DHL Express, and I received my shipment within a few short days, which was great on me, for how eager I was to receive the package.
The supplies smell great (most of them), and I can’t wait to familiarize myself with the individual ingredients, and start creating some fragrance products on my own.
People who are adequately properly acquainted with me know that I have a hard time getting out of my head, when it comes to sitting down an...
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